Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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