I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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