You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize