they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
