Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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