I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
