So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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