so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize