You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
