My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
