Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
