I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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