I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
