I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
