Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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