I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A bitchslap is in order.
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