If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
