Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
