i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
