Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a search helicopter?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
