Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
