Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this just has baby written all over it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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