i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
