The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she looked like the before picture.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
