My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
