I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
