yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
