i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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