I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
