k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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