The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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