i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize