smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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