If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
