i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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