You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize