your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
