I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
