dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
