Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
