party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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