I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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