when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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