my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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