i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
