that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
