i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
