so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
