is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
