He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
