I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize