Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
