Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
