WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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