So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
