we're blogging at a bar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
