the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
