i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize