im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
