Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
