Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
