This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
