The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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