Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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