I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
