I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
