if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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