i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
