Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
