No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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