every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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